“Create your future with conscious choices…”
Metanoia Founders
Pearls of Wisdom for Today
"Keep all things simple"
Barbra Dillenger and Michael Makay
Barbra is a transpersonal development counselor and teacher who has worked in the psychological and metaphysical arena since 1968. She was trained in both of these fields by some of the most outstanding leaders of our time. She holds a doctorate in Metaphysical Sciences, with a B.A. and M.A. in education and psychology.
In 1981, Barbra was encouraged by Divine guidance to walk the beach in a prayerful and meditative state. During this time, she gathered visions and teachings left by the ancient masters. This material was called “To Walk with Kings”. The gathering of this ancient spiritual wisdom led to a series of groups which continue meeting to this day. These groups are structured after the Mystery Schools of old, and are co-facilitated by her husband, Michael Makay. Metanoia Services is the non-denominational, spiritually inspired extension of these groups into the broader based community of mankind.
Barbra Dillenger, as she is known professionally, is married to Michael Makay, and is also known to many of us as Barbra Makay.
Michael has his degrees in the Classics from Marquette University and four years of theology in the Jesuit Order. He has been teaching, counseling, and lecturing in the field of metaphysics for over 30 years. He specializes in Enerology (the energy behind numerology) and Tarot. He co-facilitates transpersonal groups with his wife Barbra Dillenger.
Barbra Dillenger’s Prologue and Bio
I was born on January 31, 1933. My mother, an accomplished artist, and my father, a seeker of wisdom, a lover of all people, took me to the soothsayer, an ancient name for a modern day astrologer. The soothsayer studied me with a keen eye and based on my date and time of birth she studied my Natal Planet Alignment and gave my parents a document known today as a Natal Star Chart. She considered the placement of the planets and with her wisdom turned to my parents and leaned in and said, “She has been born to stroke the beards of crazy men and change their lives.” She was certainly accurate except for one thing — she neglected to include women.
The story might have ended there, but it was not to be. My eyes were wide with awe at the wonder of this place called earth. Somehow I must have known within that my journey was just beginning.
My journey has been interesting if you enjoy the unusual, the controversial, and the emotionally unpredictable that occurs when you are able to read the energy field of all that are thrown into your path. At an early age, I began to realize that others didn’t seem to see or feel what I did. This was confusing. It was the confusion of “who am I?” and it started immediately after my birth.
My birth certificate on leaving the hospital in Riverside California stated that I was to be named, Mona Ames. However, my mother thought Mona should have dark hair. Though I was completely hairless at the time, my mother somehow determined that I would not have dark hair and this just didn’t fit her picture of what Mona should look like. So, I was no longer Mona, and a new birth certificate was produced. My name became Phyllis, and I grew a fine head of white blonde hair.
This child, now named Phyllis, would again find her parents still not quite comfortable with their child’s name — it just didn’t seem to fit. For the third and final time, I legally became Barbara. My father chose this name based on his study of numerology, which is the awareness and significance of energy attached to numbers associated with all form, including letters in names. He determined that the energy of the name Phyllis would not draw the best energy to me, so Barbara I was and still am today, although I spell it Barbra, (another story). Bobbi, was my nickname because as a young child, the sound Barbara was cause for another period of confusion.
I was unusually curious and often immersed myself in all that I saw; both in my natural environment and in what we call, “the unseen world,” or “the other side of the veil.” I found live bugs that lived in the grass most interesting, and talking to flowers with faces, and my imaginary friends and playmates that happened to be exactly my age, most delightful. I undressed and pranced around nude as much as I could. Mother gave up after much resistance, finally agreeing to set a place for my imaginary friends at the table, so that I would eat lunch. However, she drew the line at sitting at the table nude just to fit in with my playmates. She could not see them, however, she did want to be in on the conversation and know what they were saying. She recognized that this was my world, my world of “spirit”, which became as comfortable for me as the world we call real. I think I saw a beautiful little fairy-like bug with wings and a wand, and a bear that was light brown and quite friendly. I was about 2 or 3 years old and they were the same size as I was, and as I grew so did they.
When I was about 4 or 5 years old, my mother — a debutante in her day who wished others would see me as “normal” — said I could not talk about my unseen friends any more. Shortly after that my friends from the spirit world took a back seat to what was commonly accepted. This meant, “we can only talk to people that others can see.” I felt this was a very unjust move by my mother just because she wanted her peace, but resulted in the realization that I now had time to try other aspects of my gift, so I worked on improving my vision of what many would call seeing in my third eye. I practiced. As the muscle of the third eye developed, I began to direct it as though it were a laser that could bypass this time-space barrier and become part of the quantum.
This ability became the greatest gift that would serve me in my future role as a metaphysician. It became natural and I found I could receive and translate knowledge and information from the unseen world, which is how I still practice today. It is a tool I use throughout my life. As interesting as it was, I would have rather had my cute fairy-like bug and happy bear. Nonetheless, they didn’t visit as often and this exercise provided a break in the boredom at the time. But my favorite friends would return.
My confusion continued around trying to see all this from my spirit world, and live in mother’s (and others’), ‘normal’ world. This meant that I was constantly trying to figure out what is real and what is a dream. This was always present in my life… I remember thinking how sad that the world most people saw was so different from my world. It seemed their world was colorless, filled with fear, and often painful, and definitely not as interesting as “my world”.
Today I have teachers who come to me as guides and to provide information to be shared with the world from the other side. I know them as Michael, Raphael, Ruth, and the old man who calls himself The Shepherd. The Shepherd would swing a watch on a long chain all the time in front of my face when he wanted attention. I never shared these friends with anyone, as when I did, the “other” child, Barbara, would mysteriously be unable to play any more. The Shepherd would tell me that the flocks he cared for are my thoughts. Any negative thoughts I had would be turned into positive, as this was his job. I felt loved. He became my constant companion and friend. Today he communicates with me by channeling through me, and he no longer swings the timepiece.
Growing up with this “extra sense” caused me to feel that in some ways, I was always lying, or not telling the truth. I felt I was being deceptive. When someone was behaving in a certain manner, I could literally see what the outcome would be if the same behavior continued. This was true with friendships, examinations, events, etc. I discovered that revealing this was not always received as a helpful piece of information. If I felt brave enough to tell them they might get angry. Then on the other hand, if I kept silent they often experienced pain by what happened. I was conflicted. Should I risk their disapproval or anger? Or should I stand by, even if I might be able to prevent their pain if I spoke out. As popular as I was, at night when all was quiet I felt terribly alone. Then my imaginary spirit friends would show themselves and all was well again, in my strange world.
At nine years of age, I had my first dramatic vision. My family had gone to church and I stayed home, not feeling well. It was very stormy. Rain and sleet hit the windows like gunshots accompanied with thunder and lightning. In the midst of all this chaos, an intense white light appeared. Within the light were a multitude of colors that took the form of an angel. A loud, demanding, authoritarian voice boomed. “My child, you have much to do in this life in the name of the one God. You must learn to do it alone.” I don’t think I really understood what alone meant. But I do now. I began to search for this voice. I found it in church. I fell in love with Jesus. I learned about God. No one could see them, yet people believed in their existence. To me, this made my imaginary friends real and not “just pretend.” When the angel figure left, the storm calmed down. I will never forget that sight. The words spoken have been true, and alone meant that I could not expect to be understood by humankind. My relentless search for the true meaning of life was being shown to me, and it was not necessarily what others thought.
Today, I am deeply loved by family and friends. I have a loving husband, children, grand children and new great grandchild, and many friends. Though I have love, I do not feel that I am always understood. In fact, often I feel I am misunderstood. This feeling goes back through my life. When I was older I had a therapist say to me, “Why should you be so special that you should be understood.” This was a very good question, but hard on my heart then and still today.
When I was 12 or 13 my uncle, on my mother’s side, took me to a cabin he had on the lake in Malibu for a couple of days. I felt special that he invited me and not my brothers or sisters. My uncle was a mild-mannered man, wealthy, and drank too much. But while I was away from my family, I felt freedom. I would get up early to watch the sun rise over the lake. Then grab a surfboard and paddle out to the lake’s edge which had a drop-off which seemed very steep, though likely not as steep as my memory recalls. I loved the smell of the mountain pines, the morning air, and the calm water. I felt at home as the animals wandered by. I felt the creator’s essence here more than I ever had in church. I listened to my heart, and felt the peace within nature. With an open heart, I connected with my guides, and was reminded of my purpose for life even though I had no idea what this journey was going to be. I knew it was something I would do alone. I was uncomfortable with the unknown of the future, but welcomed it with a sense of joy.
From 11-20 years old, which included high school and college years, my life appeared to be somewhat normal. I learned how to be emotionally comfortable in both worlds. I continued to be popular. I was the class president, a drum corps majorette, and was even in the top sorority. While still in college, I worked for NEL, a research lab in Point Loma, Ca. The lab was involved in learning the sounds of whales. We used sonic wave sounds to see if we could determine how fast they were traveling and how long it would take them to reach certain points in time. They wanted to transfer that knowledge to the movement of missiles through water. I was very good at this. It was easy to me to take the geometric forms and transfer their charges as they moved through space and time. In some way with my ability to see energy around others made this effortless. However, the job didn’t last too long.
In the 1950’s I attended San Diego State College. At that time fear of communism was growing in the United States which lead to what became known as ‘The Red Scare.’ Senator Joseph McCarthy pushed that we be vigilant to weed out communists in our country.
There was an effort to identify professors who would not sign a loyalty oath swearing they were not sympathetic to communism.
If you didn’t sign the oath, you were considered communist even without evidence. This became known as McCarthyism. Petitions were circulated and I was asked to sign one that essentially judged anyone that wouldn’t sign the Oath to be removed from the campus, which would essentially label them as communist even when there was no proof that they were. I was particularly fond of 2 of the targeted men. I saw them as individuals who stood up for their principles; an admirable trait in my eyes. I refused to sign! I was fired as a security risk, but did not leave without another gift. I learned how to use my energy and third eye practice to travel with consciousness to other dimensions at will.
I learned to handle my sensitivities to people, environmental poisons and some foods. This was a very difficult lesson to learn and it is something I continue to live with everyday. I graduated with a degree in education. I had a scholarship to go to Occidental to become a minister, which I declined and got married instead. I was 21. I married a young man with whom I had been on a roller coaster relationship since I was 14. As I walked down the aisle I heard a voice say. “Love, enjoy and learn. You will have 2 children and the marriage will end right after your 30th birthday.” A little late, I thought as we were pronounced husband and wife. I vowed to prove the voice wrong. After 2 beautiful children and much happiness, there came too much drinking and pain, and we divorced when I was 31. My desire to be ‘normal’ with a ‘normal’ man was shattered along with my open heart.
I took my credentials as a teacher and moved to L.A. and accepted employment at the John Tracey Clinic, which was started by actor Spencer Tracy, who had a deaf son. Part of my responsibilities were to also work at the Reiss Davis Clinic from time to time. While I was there the clinic was diagnosing a condition in children, described as childhood schizophrenia, which today is known as Autism. Here I found that my particular “gift” was quite useful as I could perceive what the children were thinking and they knew it. The children ranged from 18 months to 3rd grade. I had the older children, and one day I asked an Autistic boy why he would not look at or communicate with anyone. He calmly, replied clearly, “What they think in their heads is not what comes out of their mouths.” What a revelation for me. It was the first time I had met someone who truly understood.
I met many celebrities at the John Tracy Clinic, including Walt Disney. He was very busy with Disneyland, but was at the clinic frequently, as he recorded his introductions for T.V. at the John Tracey Clinic for the deaf. Walt Disney was a beautiful shy, creative, and intuitive man. I recognized in him a kindred soul. Two of the characters he made famous at Disneyland were Tinker Bell and Pooh bear, and they were much like my fairy-like friend and happy bear of my childhood. I remember after one of his introductions he sat on the edge of my desk, and asked, “Do you really think I did O.K.” His humility was heartwarming. It was after that chat that I noticed two new guides as teachers in my own unseen world of spirit, Mickey and Minnie Mouse, and I named my fairy-like guide Tinker Bell. However, Pooh Bear was not with her; instead, there was a brilliant purple and magenta light with no identifiable shape. Later, a dear friend and well-known mystic, Nancy Tappe, told me that Pooh Bear evolved into the powerful energy of light that she saw as an angelic form of the Archangel, Raphael. Thus from that time on my Happy Bear was called Raphael. And yes, today the fairy-like teacher is Tinkerbell and looks exactly like the Disney Character. It was at that moment that I realized Walt Disney and I were somewhat similar, as both of us kept silent about our unseen friends.
While raising my two children I went into therapy and decided to study psychology. I, like my father, loved learning. I had joined the Unitarian Fellowship and became the educational director. In the late sixties, I met many outstanding Individuals who were leaders in their fields of psychology and metaphysics. They were mostly men who were delightfully different and dared to show their many differences. They were highly respected for their knowledge and experience. We all became colleagues, and with all that, I truly began to understand myself. I began to believe and accept that what was always considered strange by the mainstream was actually a gift to others when used appropriately.
We worked together at a center named Kairos in Rancho Santa Fe, CA. It was modeled on the well-known known Esalon in Northern California. Kairos evolved, becoming a school of Transpersonal and Interpersonal Development. We taught and integrated numerology, meta-energy, energy healing, Tarot, astrology, color therapy, meditation and many more tools from the unseen world. Students grew and gained the confidence, the tools and the skills to counsel others, and develop their inner spiritual connection and awareness. Many students graduated with Transpersonal or Interpersonal State Certification. Other students were searching to find themselves, develop skills, and knowledge to empower themselves to move through life with a sense of ‘knowing’ that they were not alone. I loved the information, the energy, and the acceptance. I had finally found a home. I studied. I taught. I finally belonged. I took my children with me when they were young and before I knew it they were graduating from high school.
I continued to seek more esoteric knowledge. I studied, and worked with Eric Berne, well known for his Transactional Analysis; Eric Sholstrum, Carl Rogers, of leadership group therapy, the famous Gestalt therapist Fritz Perls, Alexander Lowen, Stanley Kileman, John Pierakis (bio-energetic therapy), and eventually became a certified gestalt and bio-energetic therapist.
During this time, I met and became friends with Eric Fromm, Stanley Goff, John Lilly, Claudio Narverna, and later, my good friends, Nancy Tappe and Gregge Tiffin. All were instrumental in sharing their unique perspectives and therapies. Kairos grew, and continued to change after the Founder, Bob Driver died. His wife, Patti Driver, (now known as Caroline Driver Scott), continued to run Kairos for several years. Today there are many Kairos State Certified and Ordained Graduates teaching and practicing the integration of both worlds using various tools taught and mastered at Kairos.
In 1981, with my children out of school, I was at a crossroads. Little did I know that the path I would choose would take me on a Walk with Kings and become a giant leap in conscious awareness.
One night between 3 and 5 a.m., (my usual wake up time to chat with spirit) there was a well known Indian Chief, called Blackhawk, who informed me that I was to walk at sunrise, every day before dawn. The walk was to start at the Cardiff Beach through the Solana Beach and end at the northern edge of Del Mar. Along that area were many caves. I was told that the caves would be inaccessible in a year, and I was to gather the information that had been left in the cave by entities who called themselves ‘The Kings’. They were between 8 and 15 feet tall, they wore long, dark flowing robes, which made them look human, but underneath, there was only light. They came from many generations and from many cultures. I walked faithfully every morning for a year. Then somehow, although I was never told to stop, I just did. Several years later my husband Michael and I took a walk along the same path and yes, my dear readers, you guessed it…the caves had been filled in with cement to support the cliffs.
Today, I have boxes of the conversations they communicated and I received in the form of channels. The Kings, as they were called, had magnificent energies and were from many dimensions. They shared wisdom, advice and knowledge. Today they share it with you on this website. The information is timeless, wise, and will touch your heart as that is, the seat of God within.
If you ever wish to walk this path or experience the essence of the Kings, they do occasionally visit and have been seen on the paths along the Torrey Pines Grade, particularly the Guy Fleming Trail in Del Mar CA.
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